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Logos Association Bookstore Award, Best Christian Living Book for 2016 Bookwi.se's Favorite Books of the Year, Non-Fiction "Be quick to listen, slow to speak." ―James 1:19 How would our lives change if we approached every experience with the intention of listening first? In this noisy, distracting world, it is difficult to truly hear. People talk past each other, eager to be heard but somehow deaf to what is being said. Listening is an essential skill for healthy relationships, both with God and with other people. But it is more than that: listening is a way of life. Adam McHugh places listening at the heart of our spirituality, our relationships and our mission in the world. God himself is the God who hears, and we too can learn to hear what God may be saying through creation, through Scripture, through people. By cultivating a posture of listening, we become more attentive and engaged with those around us. Listening shapes us and equips us to be more attuned to people in pain and more able to minister to those in distress. Our lives are qualitatively different―indeed, better―when we become listeners. Heed the call to the listening life, and hear what God is doing in you and the world.
- Sales Rank: #52593 in Books
- Brand: InterVarsity Press
- Published on: 2015-12-09
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .60" w x 5.50" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Review
"This book is an essential antidote and a welcome aid to listen well―to God and to one another." (Roy Howard, The Presbyterian Outlook, April 5, 2016)
"I say this more often than I actually do it, but this is a book that I will read again. It is easier to read about listening than actually listen, as McHugh says, but this was a very good reminder of why listening is important, and how we can better listen to God, those around us, and ourselves." (Adam Shields, Bookwi.se, December 15, 2015)
"McHugh is the author of The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction, in which he outlines a dozen traps people can fall into if they don't approach listening in the right way. . . . Good listeners are patient and unselfish, and they can recognize when it's their turn to speak. When they do so, they provide reassuring commentary or ask gentle, probing questions. That is the express lane to conflict resolution." (Chris Weller, Tech Insider, December 12, 2015)
"Hearing is the first sense we develop and the last to go in death. But listening is not a natural capacity. The Bible is clear on this point. We do not automatically listen to God, others, or even ourselves. McHugh's book can change the way you approach your daily conversations. It may even change your life. You should listen." (John Koessler, Christianity Today, November 2015)
"Throughout his wise and witty work, McHugh (Introverts in the Church) lobbies readers to prick up their ears. 'Listening,' he writes, 'comes first.' McHugh predicates this marvelous book on what lousy listeners we are, then proceeds to offer means for changing our habits. . . . McHugh writes humbly about learning to hear deeply, because 'the beginning of discipleship is listening.' He writes intimately, telling his own stories in the same tone as he retells tales from the Bible. McHugh mixes more formal writing with conversational sections, liberally quoting colleagues and resources (from John Coltrane to Homer Simpson) and including personal anecdotes, aphorisms, and loving admonishments tied together with keen humor. This is a persuasive book for those with ears ready to listen to what McHugh has to say." (Publishers Weekly, October 12, 2015)
"Listening is one of the best gifts we can give or receive. Listening changes things. Listening, the way Adam McHugh describes it, could just change the world." (Ruth Haley Barton, founder and president, Transforming Center, author of Life Together in Christ)
"Adam McHugh has been a significant contributor to the conversation about how introverts experience the world. His new book, The Listening Life, has the power to reshape how both introverts and extroverts make space for deep listening in a world that swims in the shallows. Highly recommended." (Susan Cain, cofounder of Quiet Revolution, author of Quiet)
"The Listening Life is the kind of book that made me at times not want to turn the page―because I needed to! What the book did was still my soul and remind me to be still before God―to silence the noise and open the closed doors to hear. In hearing we learn that in listening to God and to one another we enter into the graces of love. On every page Adam McHugh offers wisdom that slowly marches us into a deeper kind of life, one marked by listening to God in a way that teaches us how to listen to one another and to ourselves. There are two kinds of people: those who talk and those who listen―the former need to read this book slowly and listen well to the lesson about reverse listening, while the latter will discover fresh light on a discipline now deepened." (Scot McKnight, Julius R. Mantey Professor in New Testament, Northern Seminary)
"If it were possible to combine the voices of Dallas Willard, N. D. Wilson and Jim Gaffigan, then what you would get is Adam S. McHugh. His writing is profound, lyrical and self-deprecating in all the right ways. There are few books I want to start again once I've finished. The Listening Life is now one of them. I adore this stunning, important book and want to give it to everyone I know." (Emily P. Freeman, author of Simply Tuesday)
"Adam McHugh is a voice worth listening to. His new book will be a gift to anyone who wants to cultivate what Jesus called 'ears to hear.'" (John Ortberg, senior pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church)
"Like many introverts, I can be vain about my listening skills, but reading McHugh's book forced me to reconsider my self-perception. It's true that being more quiet than talkative means that I am more available to hear, but do I really listen? Or do I only half listen to the person talking while the rest of me is listening to my own brain chatter? . . . . McHugh writes with considerable charm and a great deal of wisdom and he gave me lots to think about. . . . The Listening Life was not written for me. But it had something to say to me anyway. So I listened." (Sophia Dembling, Psychology Today, January 26, 2016)
"Adam McHugh helps his readers to see that the skill of listening well begins with the heart, silent and open first to God for His word, then ready to hear others before speaking." (Michele Morin, Living Our Days, January 1, 2016)
About the Author
Adam S. McHugh (ThM, Princeton Theological Seminary) is an ordained Presbyterian minister and spiritual director. He has served at two Presbyterian churches, as a hospice chaplain and as campus staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. He is the author of Introverts in the Church and lives in Santa Barbara, California.
Most helpful customer reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Very helpful book on listening to other people AND listening to God
By Cathy Duffy
So many of us think that we can help other people by talking to them and giving them information while the reality is that simply listening to others without trying to solve their problems is generally far more helpful. The Listening Life was written for those who want to become better listeners.
Author Adam McHugh writes for a Christian audience, spending as much time helping us learn to listen to God and Scripture as he does on helping us listen to other people, to creation, and to our own lives.
McHugh frequently uses anecdotes and his own personal experiences to show us both the problems and possible solutions. He often shares insights from other authors or experts. Here are just a few examples from the first chapter.
“Psychologist and marriage researcher John Gottman says that one of the leading gauges for measuring a happy marriage is whether spouses allow themselves to be influenced by the other person. Are they changed by their relationship, or do they become more entrenched in their old ways? Being influenced by another person is a sure indication of true listening because it means that your choice and actions are following your ears. Apparently, listening is important in marriage. Who knew?” (pp.17-18).
A little later he makes a point that most of us might never have considered regarding our widespread use of technological, communication devices. He says, “I’m convinced that life in our wired society is contributing to the erosion of our capacity for listening.” He explains that neurological studies actually show that our brains are being “reshaped” in a way that makes it harder for us to concentrate on only one thing. We multi-task, seldom giving any thing or any person our undivided attention (pp. 27-28).
His chapter , “Listening to God,” offers some useful insights and strategies, including using prayer as a time for listening rather than just sharing our own thoughts and desires with God.
“Listening to Your Life” seems an odd title for a chapter, but McHugh presents some intriguing ideas about listening to our emotions (What is behind that anger we feel?), to our bodies (Why am I feeling tired all of the time?), to our scripts (our own internal narratives such as “money will make me feel more secure” that might or might not be true), and to other ways that our own lives can speak to us if we will listen.
McHugh concludes with an interesting challenge to churches in particular, a challenge to become listening communities that hear and respond to the needs of those both in their congregations and in their neighborhoods.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
The chapter on listening to people in pain is worth the price of the book
By Adam Shields
"Listening ought to be at the heart of our spirituality, our relationships, our mission as the body of Christ, our relationship to culture and the world. We are invited to approach everything with the goal of listening first. We are called to participate in the listening life."
I probably should have expected that much of The Listening Life would be about listening to God, but I did not. After an introduction, there are three chapters on listening in relation to God, how God, as King, listens to us, how we should listen to God and how scripture helps us better hear God.
"In a sense, the Scriptures are a tuning fork for adjusting our ears to the tone of God’s voice. It attunes us to the quality, the pitch and the cadence of God’s voice, and to the character that his voice expresses, so that we can identify his true voice over false ones."
Throughout the book, McHugh keeps reminding us that listening is part of being a Christian, part of being mature, part of being fulfilling our created role as humans.
The strongest chapter (or at least the one that was the reason I purchased a couple copies to give away) is the chapter on listening to people in pain.
"When we try to help someone in pain, we often end up saying or doing things, subconsciously, to assuage our own anxiety. Let’s be honest: we often want others to be okay so we can feel okay. We want them to feel better and move on so our lives can return to normal. We try to control the conversation as a way of compensating for our anxiety. Our approach to people in pain can amount to self-therapy."
If you have ever participated in a Christian prayer group or bible study, you know that there is often great pressure on members to show healing from pain or to show strength in the face of pain because the other members of the group do not want to be in pain.
"Bonhoeffer said it almost as strongly: “It must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him.” In other words, listening and silence are not necessarily the same thing, but silence is a really good start. Some situations are so heavy that only silence can support their weight."
I say this more often than I actually do it, but this is a book that I will read again. It is easier to read about listening than actually listen, as McHugh says, but this was a very good reminder both why listening is important, and how we can better listen to God, those around us, and ourselves.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
The Gift of Listening
By Michele Morin
The word “listen” appears in Scripture over fifteen hundred times, and the most frequently voiced complaint in the Bible is that the people don’t listen. It may well be the most frequent complaint of present-day mothers, also, and, as a mother of four, I was in love with Adam McHugh’s The Listening Life before I was half-way through the first chapter. “Listen to me!” I have beseeched my brood. “Are you hearing my words?”
However, as I continued to read, I was carried into Adam’s argument that discipleship is a journey of ongoing listening, and suddenly, the book’s message was for me and the “entrenched selfishness” of my own heart. There’s a good reason for the fact that, in the Latin, the words “listen” and “obedience” have the same root. It turns out that all my prayers for wisdom in parenting and living life could be understood, like Solomon’s words in Hebrew, as a request for, a “listening heart” or a “heart with skill to listen.” Adam McHugh helps his readers to see that the skill of listening well begins with the heart, silent and open first to God for His word, then ready to hear others before speaking.
Jesus set the example by listening widely (to the sick, the outcast, the despised), deeply (with probing questions and a heart for underlying need), and hospitably – fully present to the speaker. The believer’s listening to the voice of God is best done “with the feet” as we embody our listening through acts of obedience. In this way, listening to God becomes a spiritual discipline as we read — and are read by — the Scriptures; as we listen to creation’s sermons about abundance and the mercy of God, about “the fading nature of human life and beauty in contrast to the constancy and permanence of God.”
Listening to others is best done “listening to,” rather than “listening for” in the manner of a cross-examining attorney trying to catch an inconsistency or to collect data. The Listening Life parades all our self-promoting, self-centered habits of NOT listening and then describes (with convicting examples) the mindset of keeping the conversational arrow pointed unselfishly toward the other person. To be honest, I would like to just memorize the chapters on listening to others and listening to those in pain, so that I would always have an assortment of thoughtful and probing questions and comments on the tip of my tongue to remind myself that my conversations are not supposed to be about me. Then I recall that listening is a matter of the heart, and I see the truth: it’s my heart that needs changing, and no memorized list from a book – no matter how helpful – is going to bring that about.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer framed the matter beautifully:
Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening.”
The Listening Life imagines a world in which the usual pattern of listening is reversed, where leaders listen to followers, where the rich listen to the poor, and the insiders listen to outsiders – not as part of a program or with a prescribed agenda, but one person at a time with listening as an end in itself.
True listening is a path out of the spiritual fatigue and distractedness that we bring to every interaction. As we listen to God, as we pay attention to the messages our own hearts are trying to communicate to us, and as we turn our focus outward to hear the hearts of others, we are giving a gift that comes directly from God — and in the process, we receive a gift as well.
This book was provided by IVP Books, an imprint of Intervarsity Press, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
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